i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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