im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
