He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
