Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
