How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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