youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
