if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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