You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
