The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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