Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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