I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
