Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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