I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
