do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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