I cut my penus on the lid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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