Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
