what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
