Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
