He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
