if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
