she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
