i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
