Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
