lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
