Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
