No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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