Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
