I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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