Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
