I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Barsexuality is the new black.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
