This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
