Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
