he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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