apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
