i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
