i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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