You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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