just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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