I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What a dumb baby whore.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My bed smells like the plague
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
