a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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