Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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