i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
