There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
