please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Actions speak louder than pants.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My bed smells like the plague
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
