the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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