The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
