He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
