Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
