Me too!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
