She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
