for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
