dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
