I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
